Thursday, October 6, 2016

Theism part 1

[As I wrote this post the weather seems too be be weeping with me. LOL. Aha. I just applied for another 2 technical courses and places where I can work & further studies at the same time.Hopefully I can further my studies by next year despite a major setback in Life this year. Oh! If you ask me whether do I want to further my study to the highest level or not, I'd say "Yes". Perhaps to be called as Professor Dr. Madya Nuur Munira Jasmin Binti Jamil one day USED to be one of my biggest life dreams.]

Now... it's just something to ponder on and I may or may not try to chase it because in the end of the day, no matter how rich, intelligent, well-respected or famous you are, the size of your grave will always the same as others.So be humble. You can only take 3 things into the grave which are; good deeds, knowledge and prayers from your loved ones once your body is buried. Everything in this world is indeed temporary and Life is merely a test for Us, as human being.It's like a simulated reality with no reverse & rewind button. 

I am lacking of support when it comes to pursue my dreams.
There are indeed group of people cheering for me, but not as much as from my family.
They always said I took too long or too stupid to figure out what I want in life.
A failure.
A demented whore with mental illness.
A slut
A directionless bitch.
A fucked up person with low self esteem.

Those are the words I heard. Endlessly.I suffered in silence all these years,

All along after my dad's passing, my life has been a complete rock mountain to climb on and yet people said that I am such a pussy for living in depression every now and then. The stormy days and tears that I cried whenever I got hit and abused was countless. Yet.I still hold on to this Life because I had faith even if it's almost completely tarnished or used up. Optimism needs to be filled like a tank of water.I struggle to fill in mine everyday. I am a fighter. Perhaps a survivor too.I will take my own pace and time,no matter how time I failed. I disagree on living my life up the standards of others 

I told God, "If you really want to set my life difficulty level to mild hardcore, please give me the 0.03%  amount of being genuinely happy like during YOU lend my dad to me. The last 19 years of my life I was a happy person before You called him back HOME to you.So,I figured it out. You MUST had created a bigger and higher purpose for me. Let me be the person I supposed to be and create warmth to those around me. I rather be go Home after I did my best to serve You and make a difference in this temporary world. I need strength like how you had bestowed upon to Your Messenger. If they can endure this life till their last breath, so can I. ."

Sometimes, I think  God  is being Sadistic to the person that He wants.

Forgive me for stating my opinions.It does sound very offensive. I know.

It's just God wants you to ask for His help when you're really down in life because He misses your Prayers and have an honest confession with Him. An Intimate sincere moment with Him,to Him and Only Him.

at the same time...

You needed to be granted with Patience. You can only ask it from Him.
Just let being left astray if you're done believing in Him. .

If people confessed to me that they are a self proclaimed "Atheist", "Freethinkeror a "humanist", I have no problem with it at all. I'm not someone who forced people to believe in what I believe or do as I said. We have to accept people for who they are inside, not from the appearance or material they posses. To me, we set our minds to our own beliefs. Religion is a very personal matter and always have its own core to educate or brainwash human by in providing virtues, ethics and guides to be a better person. I'll be cool too if people said there's no God or whatever they want to believe because, (believe me) choosing to believe in existence of Hell & Heaven and higher dimension is completely independent and a free will decision.We cannot simply condemn others for their difference and wrong-doing because people grow out of pain and learn from mistakes. A good religion never discriminates others who has lesser knowledge or who is lacking in rationality and doubts. Truth be told,we cannot propagate others to our own personal path and spiritual state. A sincere heart will influence people to do good and be good but it is always up to the effort of an individual himself/herself.

"Positivism is something that needs to be channeled,in a non-tangible way".

People need to know about the real deal of having negativity vibes is due to their inability to see light at the end of the tunnel. They needed support and group of people encouraging their good vibes instead of being wrongly misjudge and partook in the process of judging how an individual is living their life. The world is indeed filled with people with bad and corrupt behavior. People who thinks depression will only happen to weak people. People who thinks that their life is so great compare to others.People who thinks their worldly achievement will grant eternal happiness 

Yes.We are surrounded by these hybrids of evil and self-delusional soul .

"Toxic humans pretended to look like a Saint, talks like a Prophet and dispose others like God"- original quote from me..

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