Thursday, April 16, 2015


Too long since I last updated.
There's too much things going on by the end of 2014 and 2015.
They'd say "Changed"
I'd say, "Reset:.
We do not posses the power to erase the past nor alter it anyhow.
I too, been dwelling with sorrows and pain.
To love too much but in the end being left hanging.
And I have been feeling hopeless that no one would want me
as much as I want them in my life.
The problem is, I have been keeping feelings and
the ways to express it for too long.
I can't say "No" to others.
Keeping all the angst and despair in others without leaving them any clue,
Maybe I have the problem of expressing deep things.
I'm afraid of rejection of my true intentions,
Life is about taking chances and changing along the way,
I want to change for myself and my loved ones,
Talking about love and relationship,
It's time for me to move on from the bad ones,
and embrace the good ones and find happiness in people who wants me to be better,
As I wrote this, I am..already in love.
The first thing that goes in my mind,
when I saw him.
"I don't think I deserve him. I am too,,,,broken inside, I'm afraid of being rejected of my own life,
It maybe difficult, but I will try to be as honest as possible and make him happy. I want him to be happy with my presence, I want to be close to him although I don't have reasons, as my heart will naturally open or open slowly to accept and keep him in my life,
This thoughts..has been mingling as we had daily conversation.
I found warmth and purity in him,
I found real and hard reality in him.
I found him to be as interesting as someone that I'm willing to spend the rest of life with,
And..every day,.
I felt that my burden is lessen,
that I never felt alone again.
It's the happiness and joy when laughing with him.
It's the kindness and sincerity I felt in him, even if he doesn't show it,
It made me sad though when he said that no one has made him felt important.
Everyone around me is important.
I have many and tons of friends, but I can only trust very FEW of them.
Trust issues and getting exploit.
It's what I hate about human. I like Win-Win situation,
In every circumstances, both party must win or lose.
I would kill for that.haha.
Being fair and persistent is the hardest thing to do in every relationship.
Not everyone understood.
Not everyone had the means and capacity to put themselves in other shoes.
Struggle is a part of success.
Lazy is a part of human traits too.
Ignorant and Ego is something that will kill inside.
Being sincere and pure-hearted will also kill you, but Allah never disappoint to those who puts
blind faith in Him.
We are living in the temporary Dunnya,
Challenges,misfortunes and test are always coming in 
just to remind us that we need Him in our life.
We do not need to rely on others as much as we thought,
Keep God closer in our heart, take a leap of faith and change for the better,
it's worth trying because every beautiful life story has its downside 
and it has it's own dark and spiraling down.
Gonna post more of my thoughts, peeps.
Catch ya later.