Sunday, December 26, 2010

Corrupted.

It's been a long,long time since I been on here.
Define me the term corrupt.
Anything can get corrupted.
Mind,soul,programs and almost everything that 
you could consider can get into the state of corrupt,getting corrupted.
The question is,
am I corrupted too?
Been thinking lately,
I think.yeah.I am partially corrupted.
I need to be corrupted,
not entirely but only a small parchment of my soul have been such a pain to handle and fixed up.We're talking about doing such things as principle of the double effect.Only to find that we're making the situation screwed up.fucked up.So,we're a bit choked up,by ourself.
In that state,we may also find our guitly pleasure.
I don't know.Hard to resist.Addicting.
In the state of corruption,it is possible for you to contradict yourself,doing things against your own will and principle,just to find yourself a lil bit more powerful and energetic.
But we know,the power and energy for sure come from the negative sources.
Whatever that may have driven us,it's a bit of demented,polluting ourself with a lot stuff that will make us regeret about it later.Call it stigma.I believe,I had been a corrupt human sometimes.I'm not as innocent as I look,but here I foreseek my way out.I want to change my oldself,into a new one.
Yes,I have changed since someone make me realize and left me broken hearted even untill now.
He maybe my past but he always reminds me all the good things that I deserve when I'm a better person.Does this mean I missed him?yes,indeed.As a friend.
We need to run away from the reality of life and get lost,corrupt ourself over and over again till finally we finally met our true self again.The path was never easy.
It's full of temptation to resist.
Making the same mistakes over and over again till you feel like ending it;
is a truth that is bitter to swallow.No words shall describe it.
A state of so-called-corrupted is a phase for me,to find what I want,and what do I need to do in my life.I see the light,but I can't seems to reach it.So,it is a necessity for me to say I'm a very depressed these 2-3 days.Taking time to remorse is very painful.
I regret a lot of things that I did in my life.I'm not even close enough to be said "a good girl" coz sometimes I'm not even that good.I'm bad.I'm both all at the same time.I see myself a thinker and a fucked up bitch when stuck in a circumstances that has been caused by myself simulatenously.
Stupid isn't it?I have a choice to choose,but then I didn't make it.Instead of making the right choice,at the right moment.I choose the opposite one.
I messed up.I screwed up.
I make trouble for myself.
But then,I did take my time to study and analyze what has happened,why and how.It's just me who fucked the whole thing up.I need to fixed up.
Like a program,I will have to modify myself,change the bad habit and things about myself.
I want to live my life and make full use out of it.
We live our live just once 
and we don't know when we'll shall be called upon the arm of Death.
That's certainty.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Zapped.


"Say it for me,say it to me..I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me.."